I'm back. And I found real BBQ

Seems I was sucked into some Pacific Northwest vortex back in 2008 and temporarily lost my Texan sanity. I'm happy to say that I'm back...and I've found real Texas BBQ in Oregon.

My wife and I visited Podnah's BBQ in Portland awhile back and we were pleasantly surprised.

This was the real deal and made by a real central Texan. BBQ like I fondly remember it, and it's in Oregon. Maybe I was dreaming? Here's their website, so it must have been real.

http://podnahspit.com/

Good to be back in Oregon

Hello folks out there in blogland. I just got back from a vacation in St. John, New Brunswick, Canada. Why go to Canada? My wife's family immigrated there from Ireland during the potato famine of the 1840's and she has a lot of cousins that we've been intending to meet for many years.

I must say. Canada made me homesick for Oregon, just as Oregon makes me homesick for Texas. Dorito Nachos with "fromage?" Wow.

Things were way more expensive there in Canada than they are here in Oregon, just like Oregon is way more expensive than Texas.

Kilometers thew me off to. It's good to be back.

Gracias, Don Pedro's!

I recently received a tip from a fellow Salemite who is from my hometown of San Marcos, Texas. She said that Don Pedro's Mexican restaurant was the closest thing to Tex-Mex that she had found in the area.

My wife and I visited it for lunch on Sunday and I must say, she was right. We got the cheese enchilada plate and the chile relleno plate with chips and salsa. We felt a slight tingle of heat from the salsa...a good sign here in Salem, since most salsas that are served in other Mexican restaurants here resemble chunky tomato juice. It wasn't hot as hades like back at home, but tingly just the same.

The chile relleno's were good. Thank goodness! I was afraid it was going to be like every other chile relleno order I had braved here in Salem - essentially, slimey pepper omelates.

The gravy covering both the enchiladas and the chile rellenos was the right color, but not quite the same taste and texture as true Tex-Mex. Close enough though, so I ain't complainin'.

Chips were decent. A little thick but they had a nice addition of a chili powder dusting on top.

The biggest drawback is the atmosphere. A little redecoration and the addition of some good conhunto music (and unplugging the TV) would do wonders for this great place.

Thank you. Thank you very much.

I went to a restaurant in Salem the other night. A group of people (four or five) were right behind me. I opened the door and held it open so they could enter first (being the southern gentleman that I am). Guess what? Not a single thank you was uttered from any of their carpetbagging mouths.

This happens a lot around these parts. Is it just Oregon or do other places have the same aggravation?

I have returned from the mountains.

My family and I headed for the hills last week. Clear Lake Resort to be exact. Now, let me tell you something. Never ask an Oregonian how much snow to expect when you head up the mountainside.

I asked, and the person on the other end of the phone said, “not much.” Not much? When we arrived at our cabin we were staring 3 to 4 feet of snow in the face. The driveway and roads around the camp were clear, but let me tell you, in Texas, that would have been a heap of snow.

Still, it was beautiful. The people were friendly and except for a raging hailstorm followed by a typhoon, it was relatively peaceful.

If you get a chance, go check out the place. Absolutely beautiful.

Of Refried Beans and Slimey Rellenos

The missus and I decided to dine at the local Mexican Restaurant, “Los Dos Amigos” here in Salem last night. The fridge was empty and I had a hankering for some Mexican food.

First let me explain what Salem Mexican food is not. It is not spicy. It does not even remotely resemble the Tex-Mex food I dined on with drooling lips back when I was living in the Motherland.

The hot sauce is more like spicy V-8 that trickles off your chip and on to your shirt as you try to put it in your mouth as quickly as possible.

The beloved Chile Relleno of my Texas memory is only that. A memory. What I get here in the great Pacific Northwest is a large squishy omelet with a pepper and very little cheese inside.

But you know what the truly sad thing is? It’s all starting to taste normal to me.

At least I am aware that it isn’t normal. At least I’ll be able to return to Texas to visit soon and cleanse my now Oregonian-like palate with a huge plate of greasy refried beans, rice and tamales and real hot sauce.

The memories come flooding back. Remember Herbert’s Taco Hut in San Marcos? The hot sauce was so hot that it burned a hole straight through my plate?

Heck, even Taco Cabana would be a sight for sore eyes right about now!

Nature is a comedian

What cruel joke hath nature wrought when it’s 99 degrees in Salem, Oregon and 79 in Austin, Texas?

Is this like one of those Twilight Zone episodes when two worlds are flipped in a herky jerky fashion?

I have been away from my homeland for too long. When 99 degrees feels like it must feel in the center of the sun, then I question my Texan origin.

I grew up without air-conditioning for pete’s sake! Now I’m in Oregon for four years, and I’m whining like a true Oregonian.

Stephen F. Austin, please forgive me!

Happy Mother's Day...Mama.

Well, I hope all my fellow Salemites have a sunny and wonderful weekend. Enjoy that bright orb up there in the sky while you can. We have just a short window of sunshine and warmth before the winter dankness descends on our little valley again next winter.

Oh yeah. And don't forget your mother this weekend on Mother's Day. For those of you lucky enough to be in Texas, go pick her up a bunch of bluebonnets, the state flower of Texas. Meanwhile, I'll be scouting the valley for an Oregon wildflower or two.

Salvation in the form of The Sonic comes to Salem

The Sonic "America's Drive-In" landed in Salem. Sweet french toast sticks and chicken fingers!

The Sonic plays a large part in the history of my Texas youth. We would "buzz" the Sonic on many a Friday night. We'd pull up to the speaker and in one voice, a small group of boys would sing, "Here is order, four glasses of water."

I hear that traffic was lined up around the block when it opened here. 90 minute waits.

It just shows the depth of the restaurant misery that the citizens of Salem go through on a daily basis when a hamburger shop can tie up traffic for hours. We are a desperate lot.

Thanks goodness for Sonic. Now, please hurry with that order of onion rings.

Las Vegas Comes To Salem

Good grief! If it wasn't bad enough that I am exiled in one of America's top entertainment wastelands, now they've gone and put up 4 Las Vegas styled billboards.

If you thought Salem was bordering on the other side of ugly, wait until you see what monstrosities a particular sign company here in Salem hath rot (sic).

I'll try to post some pictures later so you get can get the full effect, but trust me, it's dog-ugly.

One step forward, two steps back. That's the way you do the Salem, Oregon dance into the future.

El Gigante Burrito

I was running late to work this morning and decided to go through the nearest Mexican fast food restaurant (of which there are dozens here in Salem) drive-thru window and order a breakfast taco.

Now in Texas, when you order a breakfast taco, you pay a buck or buck-fifty for a small tortilla with egg and potato, cheese and some kind of breakfast meat.

Oregon does not have breakfast tacos. They have what they call a "breakfast burrito" for right around three bucks. It is like three Texas sized burritos rolled into one and takes two hands to manage eating it.

I don't know. I know I'm supposed to like big things since I'm from Texas, but I've got to tell you, this thing is downright vulgar. I still ate it, even though it was massive.

Still, it's just not the same and is one more thing I miss about Texas.

Dear Governor Perry

Governor Rick Perry
Office of the Governor
P.O. Box 12428
Austin, Texas 78711-2428

4-15-08

Dear Governor Perry,

Thank you for your recent note.

Yes, it has been a long time (4 years to be exact) since my "assignment" as Texas Ambassador to the Pacific Northwest.

Our headquarters up here in the little outpost of Salem, Oregon (population 1 1/2 BBQ joints, 0 Tex-Mex restaurants) is nicely central to the Pacific Northwest area, even if it is a little light on the entertainment side of things. You know (better than anyone) how much a Texan likes his country music, BBQ and Tex-Mex food.

The only places I have been able to find here in Salem for BBQ is a place called "Busters" and another called, "Adam's Rib." They're no County Line BBQ, but about as close as one can probably get up here.

There isn't a single Tex-Mex restaurant in the area. The missus and I frequent a little Mexican food restaurant called Los Dos Amigos on the Yankee side of Salem and a place called La Hacienda in the south. Danged if we didn't order the "spicy" salsa the other night at Los Dos and didn't even work up the slightest sweat.

That seems to be the basic state of Mexican food - and food in general up here - bland as buttermilk. Puttin' your boot in the oven don't make it no danged biscuit and wrapping a tortilla around something and calling it "Mexican Food" ain't going make it so either.

Sorry...enough complaining. Have I mentioned the rain? You didn't mention to me when you "assigned" us here that it rains solid from November through April. I'm not talkin' gully washers either. Just the constant drip, drip, drip of what we would call a "sprinkle" in Texas and what they call "rain" here.

Please send up an ample supply of Gebhardt's chili powder. I haven't had a decent bowl of chili in a month of Sundays.

I look forward to seeing you on my next trip to the "holy land."

Your humble servant,
Randy Hill
Texas Ambassador to the Pacific Northwest
Salem, Oregon Outpost